a haiku

From Earth's fertile womb
Dew paints all the waking world,
Each bead its mirror.

flowers in snow

life brims with the friction of contrast

breathe it in

all ripping and sweet

'way deep down to the very place

where your lungs end

still He breathes

we can be soldiers
in a holy army

or

we can be children
in the house of God

and

we can see enemies
where we should see

that

a threat returned
is no love at all

still

Love lets us choose
and misunderstand

and

speak death in our
religious fervor

but

still He breathes His
words of beckoning

and

hopes we will
discover a today

where

peace wears smiles
and open hands

instead

of

fists and
frowns and
guns

dancing again

feet dancing on the ground
mossy and heaving with life
arms outstretched and face to the sky
low, smooth, and strangely tangible

i laughed in exultation and
hugged the nearest tree and
thanked God for the strange, most glorious
gift of life

i wish

i wish i had a field
a whole field of poppies
red and orange and pink
and grass - green, green grass
for them to float above
and i'd twirl around
around and around
in them and my bare feet
hands to the sky, all full of the sun
and luffly clouds

i wish i had a field
a great big field
all full to the brim with poppies

Questions about Love

Mary, when you'd held your Son,

Nourished Him with your love,

And, awestruck, watched His growth,

How could you love so fiercely

And give Him freely?

bound

out the window
the house across the street
went sliding past

a leaf
flaming yellow
fell up instead of down

everything's wrong
for a moment
i couldn't stop it

until my head
stopped spinning
and i was still sitting on the couch

a deep breath
focusing eyes
stopping thoughts

i wish that's all
it took for me
to put your world back to rights

the chasms behind your eyes
your voice gone husky
your smile you wish was real

that's what makes me never sleep
spend hours forbidding them to touch you
trying to buy you with my tears

and yet you go willingly
knowing your fate
drawn, in fascinated horror

how can i teach you
to love yourself
half as much as i do?

how can i turn to rubble
walls a hammer
passes through, not penetrating?

i tell you all the time
i wish i could save you
but i can't

you decide for yourself
i can't decide for you
my hands are bound

Street in Autumn

Confetti on cobblestone

Death turned golden

Dance, fair mortal!

Do you see?

Do you know

What this means for you?

These Hands

She holds her head proud
She walks tall
She tilts her chin in defiance
She refuses to talk when she's mad

Today, she walked by me
Eyes blinking
Chin on her chest
Eyes on the floor

I followed
Found her willowy self
Scrunched in the corner
Sobbing into her arms

I sat down beside her
Rubbed her back
"I know it's been hard
You have what it takes"

"I don't care," she spat
"I've tried to change
No one sees
So I'm not going to try"

"Oh, honey," I said
"You can't change yesterday
But you always have a choice
Make a good one"

"No! I don't care
What happens to me
I'm done"
She shrugged off my hand

"But I do care
You're smart
Beautiful and talented
You can do this"

A few minutes after
I left her alone
She emerged
Head up proudly

She put on her shoes
I walked her to school
Told her she made me proud
She walked tall and smiled

This afternoon
Kneading bread dough
I noticed my hands
Stared at them in awe

How does God see fit
To use these hands?

unspoken

i am who you think me to be

reach past

touch my humanity

make me myself

mystery of sacrifice

no words left
thoughts spent
You've heard it all
and still we sit here

until

all i offer is silence
myself

which

in reality
is all i have

and even that

isn't mine

except

for the facets
You bequeath me

celebration of spring

not unlike the flowers
leaping silently from rich earth

not unlike the weeping willow
draping herself in gauzy green

spring has come
to my world and i

stirrings of life
of possibility

would spring be so delicious
if it did not follow winter?

i'm off to dance with
the God of seasons

prayer for a friend

stroking her hair
and letting her cry
what more could i do, God?

i wish You'd blessed me
with a magic wand

i'd banish the despair
from her heart's
dance of hope

i wish i could promise
her dreams fulfilled

i know the path she's on
my feet ache at the memory
of the long climb

i wish i could spare her
the halting journey

You've sustained me
so i trust You with her
what more can i do, God?

Much

Much has been said

of the irreplaceable quality

hope

lends to life.

Much has been said

but not too much.

eagle and dove

in God we trust but
under the eagle we live
full of peace and prosperity
we got too much to give
we say it's our right
sent to us from above
raise our hands to the eagle
and shoot down the dove

so we say
close your eyes and pray
thank God for the eagle
and all the food that he kill
eat and drink to your health
amass and hoard your wealth
don't look back in history
or around you, you don't wanna see

wounded but hopeful
the dove is alive
watch as she carries
green life that will thrive
in the barest of places
if only you'll plant it
she'll teach you how
if your heart understands it

eagle and dove
eagle and dove
eagle and dove
which one will you love?
eagle...
dove...
eagle...
dove...

saturday mornings

watching the cars drive by
and the people walk past
below my window
i see You in the sunshine
and in the beauty of their faces
and i am content
to sit here
with You

alone, and yet not
i love saturday mornings

formation of a dream

lucid in her granite robe
which sinks into
prismatic train
Moon

cherishing the vital roots
of manifold life
unaware in slumber
Earth

sterling lips to
face of soil
both warmed at
their meeting

my heart pulsated
it understood
and dared dream
the untenable

Sabrina

she's all of 12
and says she's 14
she's got a fight
scheduled
at school tomorrow

she says she's not scared
she says she doesn't care
if she gets hurt
or
is sent to juvy

she doesn't know that
her eyes betray
she's just a little girl
wanting
to find security

she wants to know she's heard
and know she's loved
and told she doesn't
need
to be so strong

i tell her she's too precious
to mess herself up like dat
i know she's
listening
despite ignoring me

she's desperately hungry
God, be WITH her!
keep her closer to
Your heart
than i can, tonight


I first met Sabrina at Lancaster Bible School when she was a frizzy-haired ten-year-old. Anti-social to the other kids, she didn't talk me until I had spent a while pushing her on the swing and looking at the animals. Animals. They were one thing to which she showed affection. She was fiercely protective of the puppy she held, pouncing in anger on the unsuspecting boy who ran with it to put it in its pen. Something about her engraved her on my heart.

A year later, I was sitting in a circle of girls at Kids' Club, teaching a lesson... or, more accurately, trying to harness a galloping conversation... on how much God loves each of us, unconditionally. Sabrina came up the stairs, plopped down as far from the circle as possible, and glared directly ahead, clutching her skinny self with her crossed arms. Wanting to welcome her to clubs, I invited her to join the circle. Her reaction suprised even the other girls. The most flambuoyant fell silent as she, like an erupting volcano, swore and violently relocated. As the talking proceeded, God answered my prayers and granted us His loving Presence. One by one, lights were lit in eyes around the circle as they... GOT it. Sabrina was curled in a fetal position, hugging a pillow. Later, someone found a baby bird that must have fallen from its nest. It was almost dead. I tried to make the bird feel as safe as possible while Sabrina vented her anger on me for not doing more. I so badly wanted to heal it. I so badly wanted to heal her.

Now, a year even later, I am back at clubs. Sabrina is there, thank God. I know there is a reason for both. She's grown into a girl who can work her world. She's so hard, and yet so fragile. Last week, she was planning her fight at school. She was desperate to prove to me that she had her life in control, that she wasn't scared. She knew I knew better. I told her I wasn't going to tell her how to live her life, but that I have friends who live like that... and I don't want to see the same things happen to her. I tried to help her think about the consequences, about how little it would prove, but, more than anything, I wanted her to hear that I cared about her and wanted her to know she was worth too much for that. She pretty much ignored anything she didn't want to hear, but I could tell she was listening. That was a week ago tonight. I don't see her until next week. Maybe I'll stop by her house tomorrow on my way home from work. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about her tonight.

Please, would you pray that Sabrina will know the love of God, the God who isn't intimidated by her anger, but cares for her hurting heart?

discovery

i won't believe it any more

five and two do not make four

i knew it didn't, but

your claims cast shadows

on my treehouse

i'm blowing kisses at the moon

smiling at the sun at noon

dancing with the light, and

counting rose petals

two and two, four

rainbow eyes

look, absorb
do not deny

leaves aflame
and in black decay

symphonic smiles
and deafening tears

run the tide
of bliss and agony

move with the rhythms
of throbbing Creation

rain filters sunshine
colors prism in shifting hues

rainbow eyes