Eldon & Rosey's engagement [I]

My "little" sister is getting married! These two endured the heat and were real troopers, ready to try anything and full of their own ideas for poses. Thanks, you guys! :) I think I rediscovered how much I love photography. Now, if I can save enough to buy a camera as sweet as the one I borrowed for this shoot... [Dream on, Becca] More pictures coming later, after more delicious editing.

kids and fountains

My three youngest sisters and I had a sleepover and sisters' day last week. Bedtime stories... "Fiddler on the Roof"... endless informative, hilarious, and profound conversation... making paper... milkshakes... Everything is more fun with kids, and I think my sisters are exceptional kids. :) Wednesday was a swelteringly hot, so we four sisters and Kirsten cooled off in the most wonderful fountain. My sisters were enthralled. As if playing in a fountain isn't awesome enough, the water does an enchanting dance routine. It's one of my favorite things about this city. There were two other families there as well, and it was soul-fortifying to watch all the kids play together. Diversity is beautiful. People are beautiful.

a confession

All right, this is going to be a bit up close and personal. Well, a bit more personal than up close, but such is virtuality.

Lately, I've been asking myself what's wrong with myself. How can I assure other people of God's love for them, all the while feeling my own words fall on the echoing pavement of my own heart? How can I bring others to the foot of the cross, feel tears on my cheeks, and pain in my soul, reverberations of the love of God for them... but feel like somewhat of an on-looker myself? Why do I feel a little uncomfortable in my own skin whenever I'm close to God?

Listening to Jennifer Knapp on my way home this evening, God talked with me. He reminded me of the biggest thing I've learned from this man:



My doing and feeling everything correctly isn't as necessary as I make it. Chris, thanks for telling me not to try so hard. That resounded much further than you knew. I guess I need to learn to live in my own brokenness. I'm proud, I guess. No, I don't guess. I know. I am fine with other people's mistakes and imperfections, but I see the inside of my heart... and I loathe my fallibility. Honestly, I must look so ridiculous to God: here I live, saying, "God, it's wonderful that You love them in their brokenness, but I demand to escape Your love until I am perfect enough to approve of myself".

Lord, I repent. I'll let You be my Savior instead of trying to save myself. Forgive me for clinging to condemnation in the face of Your bleeding love.

Just when I think I've got it, Its gone.
When I think I know the answer,
And I dare to raise my hand, Its wrong.

Stop stop stop, This foolish pride of mine
that dares to drag me far away from you.
When I try to do it my way
I always lose, I always lose, your point of view.

Oh, I don't have to be condemned
Jesus Saved me from the laws of sin.
If I fall, I'll try again.
With the spirit as my guide,
I won't ever have to hide again.

Well I, I, try to close my eyes
like a child playing in a game of hide and seek.
If I cannot see the Lord
then surely the Lord cannot see me.
As if I could ever keep him from spying me.
All the plans of this man,
There nothing more, Nothin more then evil, schemes

Oh, I don't have to be condemned
Jesus Saved me from the laws of sin.
If I fall, I'll try again.
With the spirit as my guide,
I won't ever have to hide again.

Oh, I don't have to be condemned
Jesus Saved me from the laws of sin.
If I fall, I'll try again.
With the spirit as my guide,
with the spirit as my guide...

I don't have to be....
Jesus saved me, Jesus saved me...
I don't have to, I won't be condemned...yeah

[Jennifer Knapp, "Romans"]

Conversation with the Shepherd

Shepherd,
I love being in Your arms
Or following close to Your side
Never outside the reach
Of your loving eyes
Guiding hands

Shepherd?
What about them?
They're in the canyon
Where the wild things live
My heart pounds in fear
They'll be destroyed

Shepherd,
I know Yours does, too
I can feel it
Why don't You drag them out
Instead of calling?
They aren't listening

Um, Shepherd?
It's because You love them
More than You fear Your own heartbreak?
Teach me how to love like that
Can You pick me up
So I can know we grieve together?