I usually wait to blog until I have (what I consider) profound things to say or epic experiences to share. I consciously avoid posting (or even being around people very much) until I'm feeling benevolent, glowy, and on top of my game. When forced to communicate, I try to do a good job of pretending. I tell myself I'm being considerate of other people. I tell myself that I want to be the sort of person who doesn't add to the general depression and lack of sunshiny-ness around. Besides, who wants to air all their dirty laundry for the world to see? Not I. I'm too dignified, I say to myself.
So I've been thinking about that, and I'm pretty sure I'm proud.
Here's my confession for today:
Sometimes being who I want to be is not glamorous at all and I wonder if I'm even making a difference.
Sometimes I have a headache and do not feel in the least bit cheerful and positive.
Sometimes I'm mad at the people who hurt me and have to forgive again.
Sometimes I can't escape the fact that I need the forgiveness and redemption of Jesus just as much as everyone else.
4 comments:
Well sorry to say, it just sounds like you're human! Take heart, it's terminal..... if you know what I mean!
Ha! You're so right! :)
Dear Becca.
I like you when you're glowy. But how we need each other when we're not... And how good for everyone it is when you and I don't stay stuck away! I'm grateful for the tastes of "raw beauty" not just "prettiness" in your life... Isn't God just plain crazy, or wild, I mean, with how he messes up our little worlds and makes them bigger? "Com'on, stop!" we want to say--but then he wouldn't be God and wouldn't be worth noticing... Sortof like this (rough) quote from Chesterton: "That's why the lives of the rich are at bottom so tame. They make the adventures. " Its not just the money poor who experience adventure to the degree he speaks of--any kind of constriction can do that--just like it makes good poetry...
...having relationships where we know we are loved unconditionally, where they will take the wheat and let the chaff be blown away, are rich tastes of the love of God.
Learning I don't need to "have it all together" in order to be loved is a journey....
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